Couples Therapy

The books… the movies… always a happy ending!

They make marriage look so easy and flawless. Everyone is so in love.

Every person dreams of walking down the aisle or joining as one with the person they love the most.

They dream of a wedding that brings family and friends together, where everyone eats wonderful food, dances the night away, and most of all are together. The wedding was just fantastic.

After the ceremony and celebration, the couple flies off to a beautiful destination to celebrate their honeymoon – full of endless sunshine and relaxation. Upon returning, the happy couple moves into a new home, and a few years later, there are children.

In this fairytale, there is always a happy ending!

Real Life Versus Reel Life

Let’s start this story at the point where the couple moves into the new home.

At first, everything seems great. Both work during the day and spend their evenings together. They enjoy cooking together, taking walks, and cuddling while watching their favorite shows.

On the weekends, they spend time with their friends, have families who gather together, and integrate one another’s cultures.

It sounds like a happy ending. Right? – Until they recognize things that do not make them happy anymore. Perhaps, these are the things that have been building up for some time.

Then, they see bits of resentment here and there, unaddressed hurt, anger, no sense of validation, and insecurities – anything can be a trigger or a cause.

Forget the Happy Ending!

Resentment keeps building. Now, you are not spending as much time with one another and communicate less.

Arguing and yelling replace mutual and supportive conversations. Sadness replaces joy, and there is no intimacy – and more…

You can have this reel life happiness as well as REAL life, too.

Finding real happiness takes a little more work than illustrated to us in the movies.

Marriage requires a lot of compromising, understanding, and, most of all, unconditional love.

Every marriage will have some level of disagreements or conflicts. As humans, we all know that we are not perfect and have flaws, but it’s what we do with those flaws that make the difference.

Julie Gottman, the co-founder of the Gottman Institute, explains, “Conflict is an opportunity to learn and love our partner better over time.”

I remember seeing Joe* and Jen* for some couples counseling; I instantly could tell they hadn’t been communicating positively with one another. During their session, Jen and Joe sat at opposite ends of the sofa while turning away from each other.

When I asked what made them seek couples counseling sessions, Jen responded by saying, “Well, he is ALWAYS criticizing me, comparing me to others, and anything I do is NEVER enough for him.”

Joe said, “I try to validate how you feel, and you’re ALWAYS so angry and take anything I say negatively. I will NEVER say anything to you again.”

Honest conversations reveal underlying emotions.

Most don’t realize how negatively they feel toward one another until they start communicating and letting out their emotions.

Each emotion causes a reaction. If you take a moment to acknowledge that you’re reacting versus responding, those interactions could be very different, perhaps resulting in the following response:

“I’m sorry you feel this way, Jen. That was not my intention, and I appreciate all that you do for me. You ARE enough.”

For a successful outcome during couples counseling sessions, both husband and wife need to put in the necessary work. Healing takes time, much effort, and, most of all, love.

Each partner must show up, be present, take part, and learn lifelong skills that continue after sessions.

Ask yourself if you are willing to put in the work.

Here’s how sessions work.

We begin with an initial couples counseling session from the comfort of your own home, office, or any place that has good energy, positive vibes, and a great Internet setup!

We will set some ground rules and boundaries during the initial session and develop a structure for our sessions going forward. You both establish these rules, and I will help navigate.

Next, I will gather some history, discuss why you seek therapy, and establish the goals you would like to accomplish during therapy. We also will discuss a course of treatment and the frequency of sessions.

Each couple is incredibly unique, and the journey toward healing will be different. I do not use the same approach with all my couples. Together, we work to strengthen your established foundation and help create a harmonious future.

Some of the issues we might address include resolving conflict, enhancing communication, discussing financial troubles, parenting struggles, and significant life transitions.

Let’s create YOUR happy ending!

We know how to create a Real happy ending for you. Now, the power will come from within you.

Why are you waiting?

Let’s work together to cultivate a happier future for both of you and work toward healing and create the happy ending you both always wanted.

Don’t hesitate to call me (805) 651-3735 and schedule your initial counseling session.

*Names changed to protect client confidentiality.