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Desi Therapy

“Your own self-realization is the greatest service you can render the world.”
– Ramana Maharshi

man, light, people, girl, woman, antique, looking, male, female, celebration, asian, dance, young, show, religion, couple, human, two, clothing, lifestyle, married, holding, festive, ethnic, ballet, dancer, performance art, religious, festival, wife, saree, classical, dress, happy, happiness, sports, performance, pose, belly, expression, culture, shot, sari, style, front, event, hindu, tradition, costume, indian, contact, diwali, deepawali, occasion, femininity, traditional, entertainment, bond, jewelery, adult, facial, identity, cultural, husband, relationships, bangles, east, deepavali, hinduism, performing arts, ethnicity, maharashtrian, team sport, newlywed, 25 30, musical theatre, modern dance, concert dance, puja, kurta, gudi, gudhi, bhartnatam, Free Images In PxHereThe Culture

The Desi culture is so beautiful in many ways, I am sure you’ve heard of the wonderful traditions, celebrations, religious festivities, and maybe even Bollywood ( my Desi girl… my Desi girl…)? Ring a bell?

The values and traditions that the Desi culture represents and upholds are genuine, unique, and quite honestly just beautiful.

However with that being said, these values come with a lot of unrealistic expectations and a great deal of pressure.

Anyone who grew up in a Desi household may understand this…

Does this sound familiar?

I’m sure you’ve heard your fair share of “interesting” reasoning from your Desi parents for certain things, whether it’s superstition, tradition, logic… let’s call it Desi Logic for now!

Let me share something with you all, so growing up I wanted to become an actor but not just any actor… I wanted to become a Bollywood STAR!

I shared this with my parents at a very early age and they told me I could become whatever I wanted, so I continued to become involved in dance classes, participated in performances, school plays, and just lived my best Bollywood wannabe actor life.

person, girl, woman, hair, photography, brunette, portrait, model, color, fashion, blue, yellow, powder, lady, pink, hairstyle, face, colors, eye, photograph, beauty, holi, photo shoot, sense, art model, Free Images In PxHerePlot Twist

As I got older and we began talking about careers, the story completely changed and basically, in short, becoming an actor was out of question and my choices were to become a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, or something fancy.

FYI – I chose one of those and then changed my mind because it wasn’t for me, but that’s a story for a different day.

Of course there was the whole “dancing and acting are just a hobbies and don’t hold value as respectable careers,” “we want more for you,” “you’re much more capable,” “what are we going to tell people, that our daughter is an actor?” “that would be embarrassing for us, what would the community think of us?”

What I really wanted to say was f*** the community, but that would have opened another can of worms…

Truth Bomb Time

Raj* once told me that having a stable job, settling down, getting married, buying a home and having children meant you have achieved the goal of being happy. If you’ve been able to accomplish these things then this will make you happy. But Raj explained that he didn’t value those things, he wanted something different for himself and that’s when he began questioning his own identity and began therapy.

Fighting the Fear

The cultures within the South Asian communities all have their own identity and rules to live by. The most common one being that, “we don’t air out our business,” “if there’s an issue then the family can help you resolve it.” But what if the issue is with the family? The pressure of expectations, guilt, shame, disappointment, not being fulfilled, not being able to live your own life, not being in control of your own decisions, not being able to love whomever you choose, and questioning your self-identity.

Fight the fear and reach out for therapy! I can help you navigate through these feelings and help you in setting realistic boundaries with your family. Each person has their own experience and own journey so it won’t be fair of me to say I’ve been through it and the same will work for you. I can’t promise you that, but I can say that culturally I have a good understanding of what it is like to be in your shoes, to struggle with those feelings of fear, doubt, and disappointment.

I would be happy to help you create your own personal self-identity outside of what the culture expects of you.

Fight the fear and call me for a free 10-15 minute consultation today.

*Name changed to protect client confidentiality.